mixxedemotions

there’s more and more people using tumblr. and this is something that i want to write about, but i don’t want to tell the whole world about it. even though my site isn’t private, it’s comforting to know that people might not know about this post and probably won’t read this. so here it goes:

i know for sure that i’m fine with being single right now. this whole thing about being complete and happy on my own without depending on someone else for my happiness is working out pretty well.

but that doesn’t mean i want to be single forever. just to clarify though, i don’t have crushes on anyone right now. or at least that’s what i’m telling myself. i’d say they’re more like…favorites.

what’s the difference between a crush and a favorite? with crushes, you usually have some expectations. and i realized that these expectations, no matter how small, are what may lead to feeling “crushed,” so my solution is to have favorites instead.

with favorites, you don’t have expectations. you don’t wait for an IM, a call, or a text. you don’t expect them to go to certain things or be at certain places. you don’t expect them to treat you differently from any other friends. you just appreciate spending time with them and being around them. you enjoy talking to them, but you don’t mind if there’s days when you don’t talk to them. they make you smile by just being themselves. they’re different from just any other friend, but not so much that you would consider them a crush. it’s that area that’s really hard to define. more than a friend, but less than a crush.

with a crush, you sometimes become hopeful. i don’t mean you’re hopeful that feelings are mutual. maybe it’s more accurate to say that you anticipate things more with crushes. you hope you’ll see them or talk to them. you hope you get to spend more time with them. these are the expectations that you don’t have with favorites.

when you start expecting things, there is a risk of favorites turning into crushes. there’s a risk of putting your heart on the line. there’s a risk of getting hurt. of course, there’s also a chance of things turning out better than you think. but what if you just want to be single for now? what if you don’t want to have a crush on anyone? what if you don’t want to deal with everything that comes with falling for someone yet?

that’s why i choose to have favorites instead of crushes. all the good memories without the risk of getting hurt. it’s working out so far. there was one point where i almost started to have expectations and almost cross that line between favorite and crush, but no worries. everything worked out.

besides, i don’t mind that the guys in my life are boy friends, at most. emphasis on the space between the words boy and friend. because, after all, i am just a girl friend to them. in other words, a friend that just happens to be a girl. when the time is right, and with the right person, the space won’t exist. instead of two friends who happen to be a boy and a girl, it’ll be two friends who happen to become boyfriend and girlfriend.

no rush. whoever it is can take their time. for now, i’ll just have favorites