mixxedemotions

Where are you now?
I’m trying to get by
With never knowing at all

What is the chance…
Of finding you out there?
Or do I have to wait forever?

“Where Are You Now?” - Michelle Branch

It feels weird having my heart feel so…free.

One of my first entries (“Key to My Heart”) when I started writing in this blog again was about how the key to my heart didn’t belong to anyone but me. In reality, the key still belonged to someone else. In fact, it was with more than one person. But regardless of how many people had the key to my heart, nobody wanted it.

I’m writing this entry now because I’ve found closure. Not all the closure that I wanted, but enough to make me feel better. At least one friendship that I thought was lost still exists. It may not be the same as before, but I’m content with where it’s at now. There is one person that I would still like to talk to and find closure with. But I think I’ve accepted the way things are at the moment and don’t mind waiting for the right time to discuss things. In fact, as time goes on, the need to actually have that discussion is less of a priority to me.

As far as the key to my heart, I’m not sure I want it to belong to just me like I said in my old post. Someone else has the key to my heart, but I haven’t found that person yet. That’s why I quoted Michelle Branch’s lyrics at the beginning of this post. I’ve grown so much this past year. And I’ve done it on my own. Of course, I’ve had friends and family, but I’ve become so much more independent and my self-confidence has improved greatly. Even though I can be strong on my own now, it doesn’t mean that I don’t mind being alone.

I want to find that special someone. I miss having a significant other. And I miss being cared about in that way.

I can’t wait to meet that person. Or if I’ve met them already, I can’t wait for us to realize that we’ve already found each other.

Actually, I can wait. But there are times when I feel impatient. Everything is so unpredictable right now. And without liking anyone specifically, it’s difficult to say what will happen in the future. And it’s difficult to say how soon or far in the future it will be when I do find him.

I miss being in love. They say, “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” I’ve loved. I’ve lost. I want to love and be loved again.