mixxedemotions

So I didn’t want to update for the longest time, because the last post still sums up how I feel. The postcard said:

I wish I had the courage to walk up to you at graduation and say, “Good luck, I love you, and I’ll miss you everyday.” Please don’t forget me.

I thought I would have cried a lot over the past week just from being nostalgic. But I really haven’t cried. And I think it’s because it hasn’t really hit me. Or part of me still doesn’t want to believe that it’s almost over. I’ll still be here in the summer and an extra quarter. But it won’t be the same.

This year has been so fun and so memorable. And i’m grateful for that. But that makes it even harder to accept the fact that graduation is this week.

I have a 30-second speech at Pilipino Graduation, but I can only thank so many people. I won’t be able to thank everyone that I want to thank. And even then, I always have the feeling that a lot of my friendships mean more to me than they do to the other person, so I never really know how to show my appreciation.

I’m still debating on whether or not I want to write letters or do something special for the people that I really want to thank. I don’t know if I have time to do it by this week. And if I do it after this week, I feel like the timing won’t be right anymore.

What’s so different about graduating now and graduating from high school? My group of friends was small enough from high school that I knew I wouldn’t really be saying goodbye. This time, everyone’s going to go back to their respective hometowns. I don’t know when I’ll see them again. It doesn’t mean I’m not going to try to keep in touch, but things will still be different. And I know that things happen for a reason and friendships that are meant to last will last. But it’s still weird knowing that this is the last week that I’ll for sure see some people.

And it’s finals week too, so last week was actually the last regular week. And even though I’ve been taking pictures and everything, I think I’m just going through the motions without my emotions really coming through.